What is your identity?
When you are at a party or meeting someone new, how do you introduce yourself. What are the first things that you say to them? It usually doesn't take long into introducing ourselves that we start talking about our work and accomplishments as well as the relationships we have. Why is that?
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On the trip down to Medicine Hat on the Thanksgiving weekend, my mind was spinning with what next and the lack of potential options. During that trip, the idea crossed my mind to consider going to Seminary and start working on my Masters degree. I didn't say anything about this at the time to my wife as we were both in our own mental bubble processing life.
That Sunday, after the church gathering, we were chatting with the pastor who has been a friend for many many years. After hearing about our lack of job options and no open doors, he said "why don't you consider going to seminary. You don't have a family or a job that is tying you down at this time."
Hearing those words shortly after having had those thoughts was an affirmation of what steps to take next.
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I remember sitting in my first class of my masters. I wasn't sure what to expect as I hadn't been in school for 10 years.
As the professor was teaching us and walking us through Romans 8 I heard a voice in my head. Quite clearly I heard "Andreas, I want you not what you do for me." I couldn't shake the thought as it repeated itself over and over.
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I have known that I am more then what I do.
I have known that my accomplishments do not define me.
My identity is not what I do.
It is one thing to know these in your mind. It is another thing to know it in your heart.
How do you hold onto your identity when the major defining factors of your identity are no longer?
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A couple of good friends have encouraged me and challenged me regarding thoughts surrounding identity.
It is believed that Jesus was close to 30 before he ever started going around teaching and doing miracles. What was he doing before then? Well, it is believed he was likely "just" a carpenter following in his fathers trade.
Matthew is one of Jesus close friends (otherwise known as a disciple) and he wrote about Jesus life after Jesus died. Matthew retells the story of Jesus baptism. John the Baptist (his cousin) was out in the desert baptizing people. At the time people were confessing their sins and John would then baptize them (dunking them under water). Jesus shows up in the dessert and requests to be baptized by John. Here is the retelling of that story from Matthew 3:13-17:
Then Jesus left Galilee to come to the Jordan to be baptized by John. 14 But when he waded into the water, John resisted him, saying, “Why are you doing this? I’m the one who needs to be baptized by you, and yet you come to be baptized by me?”
15 Jesus replied, “It is only right to do all that God requires.”Then John baptized Jesus. 16 And as Jesus rose up out of the water, the heavenly realm opened up over him and he saw the Holy Spirit descend out of the heavens and rest upon him in the form of a dove.17 Then suddenly the voice of the Father shouted from the sky, saying, “This is the Son I love, and my greatest delight is in him.”
Jesus gets baptized and God shows up in the form of a dove and a voice from the heavens. The words Jesus hears are "you are my loved Son and greatest delight."
Jesus had not done anything yet. He had not healed anyone nor had he had opened His mouth to teach. He did not die yet on the cross. What is there to delight in? What is there to love?
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You are loved not because of anything that you have done or accomplished.
If you were to be head of the UN or find a cure for cancer, that would not make you more lovable.
You are loved simply because you are you...full stop!!
That is easy to write when thinking of other people. When it comes to believing it for self it is often a different story. Why is it so hard though to believe this ourselves?
For me, as much as I try to detach my identity from what I do, I find myself still clinging to the external markers to define myself. Here is what I have done, things I have seen and accomplished, the people I know.
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There are a few reasons we define our identity based on an external value system.
Some of the externals we use to define ourselves are connected to our own pride. Because I have accomplished these markers, I can now promote my worth to others by letting them know about how great I am.
"Oh, that is cool you have traveled. I like to travel as well. In fact last year I traveled to..."
"No I don't know that person. Do you know (fill in name). She is my friend and is the leader of...."
"My work sent me to (fill in blank conference). It was pretty good. I already knew most of the stuff but nice to go for the training."
Other times, the feeling that we need to promote the externals can be connected to feelings of inferiority. Because we do not feel that our life matters, we try to inflate our worth based on external markers.
"I feel dumb and everyone else thinks I am stupid. Good thing I finally got this good grade on my math test that I can tell them about to prove that I am not stupid."
"I've made a lot of bad financial decisions. I am glad this one came around and worked out. Now people will know I understand what I am talking about."
We hear the messages all over the place that you only matter if you - buy this, accomplish this, have experienced this, have progressed up the corporate ladder. These messages all around us have caused us to compete and find our identity in things that do not actually define us. We become prideful and promote ourselves or we have insecurities and promote ourselves to try to find some measure of worth and purpose.
The main reason we define our identity based on external markers is that we have failed to trust that inner voice that tells us we matter no matter what. We struggle to believe it because at times we may have been told by others that we do not matter, we have made mistakes and so in our own mind we do not believe we have worth or we compare ourselves to others and do not feel like our lives are of any significance in comparison to theirs.
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Externals do matter. It is good to pursue goals, accomplishments and various achievements. Find work you love and do that job well. In fact, whatever you do, do it to the best of your ability. Share your life experiences with others and the things you have been able to participate in.
Do not, however, look to these as what defines you. You matter simply because you are. You are the only you that will ever exist and be you.
A wise man once said:
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” Dr. Seuss.
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When I think of heaven I like to think of a giant fridge. Yup...God has a huge fridge up there.
On that fridge, if you get close enough you will see that it is covered in pictures. Step a bit closer and you will see that the fridge is covered with pictures of you.
-pictures of you and your first smile, your first steps, your first words.
-photos of your first day of school, the day that you brought your teacher a homemade card for her birthday or stayed after class to help a friend pack up their supplies before heading home.
-pictures of your first shave (even though there was only 5 hairs on your chin), that time you dressed yourself up really nice and went on your first date.
-photos of you when you saw that person on the side of the road and stopped to help, when you saw that puppy running around lost and you took care of it until its owner arrived.
Weird thing about this fridge is there are also some unusual photos on it.
- when you ran in the track meet and ended up getting fourth place just outside of the medals...but you still managed to get a personal best
- when you spoke up amidst an unjust situation and were ridiculed for it...yet still made that one person feel noticed.
The photos are endless all because God delights in you!!
In God's eyes you matter because you exist not because of what you do.
You make God smile! Every day he takes out His camera and says "I look forward to seeing what she will do today. I wonder what fun adventures he will take us on today"
If you listen closely throughout your day, you may even hear the camera as he snaps photos of you to put up on the fridge.
You are His delight!!
. . . . . . .
MAKING IT REAL
It is often easy to list things we like about other people. We see why they are unique, what qualities, attributes and character qualities make them who they are. For ourselves though this can often be more of a struggle. Why is it that we struggle to believe we are lovable and worthy of God's delight?
Go and find a room with a mirror in it and sit down. Ask yourself the following questions:
Who am I? What have I allowed to define me? (you may want to write those things down)
After a while, ask the following question of God:
When was the last time I put a smile on your face?
What are some of your favorite pictures of me up on your fridge?
To take it one step further... think of one person that you trust and have a good relationship with. Ask them if they are up for a friendship challenge and if they are willing to take the friendship to a different depth. Share 5 things together that you see in each other that make that person who they are (beyond the externals).
. . . . . . .
There are a few reasons we define our identity based on an external value system.
Some of the externals we use to define ourselves are connected to our own pride. Because I have accomplished these markers, I can now promote my worth to others by letting them know about how great I am.
"Oh, that is cool you have traveled. I like to travel as well. In fact last year I traveled to..."
"No I don't know that person. Do you know (fill in name). She is my friend and is the leader of...."
"My work sent me to (fill in blank conference). It was pretty good. I already knew most of the stuff but nice to go for the training."
Other times, the feeling that we need to promote the externals can be connected to feelings of inferiority. Because we do not feel that our life matters, we try to inflate our worth based on external markers.
"I feel dumb and everyone else thinks I am stupid. Good thing I finally got this good grade on my math test that I can tell them about to prove that I am not stupid."
"I've made a lot of bad financial decisions. I am glad this one came around and worked out. Now people will know I understand what I am talking about."
We hear the messages all over the place that you only matter if you - buy this, accomplish this, have experienced this, have progressed up the corporate ladder. These messages all around us have caused us to compete and find our identity in things that do not actually define us. We become prideful and promote ourselves or we have insecurities and promote ourselves to try to find some measure of worth and purpose.
. . . . . . .
Externals do matter. It is good to pursue goals, accomplishments and various achievements. Find work you love and do that job well. In fact, whatever you do, do it to the best of your ability. Share your life experiences with others and the things you have been able to participate in.
Do not, however, look to these as what defines you. You matter simply because you are. You are the only you that will ever exist and be you.
A wise man once said:
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” Dr. Seuss.
. . . . . . .
When I think of heaven I like to think of a giant fridge. Yup...God has a huge fridge up there.
On that fridge, if you get close enough you will see that it is covered in pictures. Step a bit closer and you will see that the fridge is covered with pictures of you.
-pictures of you and your first smile, your first steps, your first words.
-photos of your first day of school, the day that you brought your teacher a homemade card for her birthday or stayed after class to help a friend pack up their supplies before heading home.
-pictures of your first shave (even though there was only 5 hairs on your chin), that time you dressed yourself up really nice and went on your first date.
-photos of you when you saw that person on the side of the road and stopped to help, when you saw that puppy running around lost and you took care of it until its owner arrived.
Weird thing about this fridge is there are also some unusual photos on it.
- when you ran in the track meet and ended up getting fourth place just outside of the medals...but you still managed to get a personal best
- when you spoke up amidst an unjust situation and were ridiculed for it...yet still made that one person feel noticed.
The photos are endless all because God delights in you!!
In God's eyes you matter because you exist not because of what you do.
You make God smile! Every day he takes out His camera and says "I look forward to seeing what she will do today. I wonder what fun adventures he will take us on today"
If you listen closely throughout your day, you may even hear the camera as he snaps photos of you to put up on the fridge.
You are His delight!!
. . . . . . .
MAKING IT REAL
It is often easy to list things we like about other people. We see why they are unique, what qualities, attributes and character qualities make them who they are. For ourselves though this can often be more of a struggle. Why is it that we struggle to believe we are lovable and worthy of God's delight?
Go and find a room with a mirror in it and sit down. Ask yourself the following questions:
Who am I? What have I allowed to define me? (you may want to write those things down)
After a while, ask the following question of God:
When was the last time I put a smile on your face?
What are some of your favorite pictures of me up on your fridge?
To take it one step further... think of one person that you trust and have a good relationship with. Ask them if they are up for a friendship challenge and if they are willing to take the friendship to a different depth. Share 5 things together that you see in each other that make that person who they are (beyond the externals).
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