Basic Math

I am not a mathematician.  Math was one of those classes that I endured and survived but not one that I naturally succeeded in. One math equation that most of us learn early on is 1+1=2.  It is very basic and very foundational for more complex math equations.

Without thinking about it, this simple math equation often crept into my every day life and the way I live.  If I do this, and then also do this then it should lead to a specific result.  Another way of looking at it is because I have done this and this, I now deserve this specific result.

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After 7 years of working at a church, I was gifted some time off (called a sabbatical) to reflect on the work I was doing, work on a project and prepare for the next stage of life and work.

Although I missed many of the summer routines that I had come to love like the youth summer trip to East Hastings in a 15 passenger van (and cranking the heat on them as they tried to sleep in the back...hehe) or the water fights and the giant plastic slip'n'slide, the time away for me was needed.  During the sabbatical I found some new passions stirring within me and direction for the work I was doing.

Upon returning to the church in the fall, I shared these news passions and ideas to find that although I was supported, these were not shared ideas and values by the leadership at the time.  This led me to a crossroads, do I stay and keep doing what I was doing or do I step away and pursue this newer direction that God had been stirring up within me?  

During the Christmas break of 2010, I sat down and wrote my resignation letter.  This was a tough decision yet a decision that I felt needed to be made at the time. By then I had already been at the church for seven and a half years as their youth pastor.  The average tenure for youth pastors is about one and a half years so I had well surpassed that time frame.  

This is where the basic math equation crept into my mind:  Because I have been a pastor for 7.5 years + I did a great job = a new pastor job will become available.  I deserved it after all didn't I?

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May 20, 2011 at around 7 pm I got a text.  It read something along the following lines "when you get back you have a job here, we will talk details when you return."   

I remember the day as that evening was my wedding rehearsal dinner.  When the decision was made in December to resign, I was already engaged.  My resignation at the church was not until June and I figured during that time a door would open up for a new job.  

The wedding rehearsal dinner was about 3 weeks from the end of my pastoral role and finally a door opened for a job.  The problem is, the math equation didn't work out the way it was supposed to.  8 years of pastoring by then plus doing a great job was supposed to lead to another pastoral position and ideally one that fit my passions.  God must not have gotten the memo as the mathematics equation he provided looked more like 1+1= purple.  

Mid-June after finishing at the church, I woke up early on a Monday morning (definitely not something I was used to doing as a youth pastor as Monday's had been my day off for the past 8 years), putting on a pair of steel toed boots and heading in to work at a warehouse.  For the next year and a half I would end up packing boxes with all sorts of items from helmets to pens, gloves to chain, spray paint and shoes. 

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In July of 2015 I had sent out 25 different resumes.  I was still applying for pastoral jobs but had now expanded my applications to anything that seemed fitting and was looking to hire.  I was finally called in to an interview for a job.  Near the end of the interview, I was told that I did not have the qualifications for the position...you think they would have been able to look at the resume beforehand and decipher that.

This was upsetting as the place seemed like it would be a great place to work.  I followed up and asked if there was any opportunities to volunteer with them in order to gain the experience I was lacking.  Well lucky for me, they didn't hear the word volunteer and brought me in for another interview and shortly after I was hired on for a different role within the company.

For the next 4.5 years this place would become a constant in my life; a place that I not only got paid to work but a place where I loved the work I got to do.  

Fast forward 4.5 years later.  Amidst a season of restructuring, I was called in to a meeting at the beginning of a shift.  I thought nothing of it as many of my co-workers had recently also had similar meetings.  Within 10 minutes of walking in to start my shift that day I was walking out the doors and my time of work there had ended.

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At the start of my 30's I was faced with not having a job and in a weird twist of fate that is how my 30th decade would also end.  This is not how I would have expected things to play out yet I learned a lot between these two events.

Although we don't often like to admit it, we feel that in life there are certain things that we deserve or that we are entitled to.  We know that suffering and pain is a reality of life but like to think that we are somehow immune from its presence in our own life.  Much of this way of thinking may stem from the reality that deep down we feel that we are good people and therefore deserve good things: 1+1=2.

Is it possible though that by living out life by this standard we are actually missing out on something?  Our interactions with others, the places we go, our health, the places we work and spend our free time, are they all due to the fact that we have earned these and are entitled to them.

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At the beginning of each year at our church, we draw an Epiphany word to help guide us and focus us spiritually through the coming year. Epiphany is celebrated 12 days after Christmas as a celebration of the Magi who showed up to celebrate Jesus and bring him gifts.  

In 2019 I made it to the front of the line and grabbed a word from the bowl.  Upon looking at it, tears started to well up in my eyes...I really wanted to take it back and grab a different word.  Although it was not a word that I wanted, I knew instantly I was meant to have that word.  For far too long I had lived life with an underlying sense of entitlement, living out the math equation of 1+1=2.

The word I drew that year was gratitude.

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James 4:13-15 says:
13 Listen, those of you who are boasting, “Today or tomorrow we’ll go to another city and spend some time and go into business and make heaps of profit!” 14 But you don’t have a clue what tomorrow may bring. For your fleeting life is but a warm breath of air that is visible in the cold only for a moment and then vanishes! 15 Instead you should say, “Our tomorrows are in the Lord’s hands and if he is willing we will live life to its fullest and do this or that.” (The Passion Translation)

Getting sucked into the trap of entitlement leads us to miss out on living a life of gratitude.  We do not know what tomorrow holds, how our health will be, will finances be there or if relationships will continue to be as they are.  When life does not go as expected or how "it should" we tend to become negative rather than seeing all the reasons to be grateful.  We feel God must be against us rather than seeing all the ways that He has blessed us.  

At the start of the decade I felt that God owed me a certain job yet at the end of the decade when finding myself losing a job I was able to see a new equation.

1+1 = gratitude.

Finding reason to be grateful is so much more freeing and a less burdensome way to live.  

Is losing a job a good thing? Nope.
Is having to search for a new job easy? Nope.
Do I have a lot of questions, worries and some fears? Yup.

Do I wish that my circumstances were different and a different reality was possible?  Yup.
Am I grateful for the opportunities that I have had?  You bet!

When we start to see each day and everything in it as a gift not something we are entitled to, it is then that we will find ourselves living lighter, freer and with more purpose.  

Gratitude is the start to seeing your life and the world around you differently. 

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MAKING IT REAL

For the next 30 days take the time to keep a daily gratitude journal.  Each day take the time to write out 3 things that you are grateful for from the last 24 hours.  If you find that you are listing the same things every day, challenge yourself to not repeat something you are grateful for more then once in a month.

One additional thing you can add to this journal is a looking forward component: what are 3 things that are coming up in the next 24 hours that you are looking forward to in advance...kind of like pre-gratitude.  This simple act helps you in to step into the day with a different mental focus.
For example, if you pick an upcoming staff meeting as one of the things that day you are looking forward to, it will change how you approach that time and your attitude before you even arrive at the meeting.  

It is a simple exercise yet helps you change the formula from living entitled to living grateful.